Sunday, October 30, 2011

Velayudham - Veluthu pona paper kaagidham

*Note - Let me tell you that i am not a big fan of masala movies and its heroes so please avoid reading further if you are one.

Velayudham - is our Hero who calls himself - MASS(Mindless Ageing Self-proclaimed Star) is at it again, using the age old formula to give you 3 hours of clueless head banging theory using the below formula

MASS = {S(V/iT)*(Hr)2 + C}

where S = Sister Sentiment
V = Villain
iT = International Terrorists
Hr = Heroine
C = Comedian 

The hero Velayudham is a confused son of a gun madly in love with his sister and does not have any other better thing to do but play pranks and irritate the villagers, less did he know that a girl will confuse the hell out of him by showing him few clips of chennai people who in reality has gone crazy watching 20/20 cricket and having a blast, instead our hero totally misunderstands and gets convinced that the people are begging for his help and bring them out of miseries like bomb blasts, kidnaps and so many anti-social things which strangely happens only in Chennai(fact is nothing like that is even happening and Chennai is not like the FU$$#cked up place as this stereotypical director wants the audience to believe) so in order to tackle all shit going on in Chennai the hero decides to be a Mass of everything, flexes muscle to show he has tetra pack, romances in songs with different hair style in between the chaos happening around and in between he travels in train to be connected with his village. Acting skills is a special mention guess the hero feels shy to even flex his facial muscles so shakes head and flutters eyelids and gives chewing gum lip movements instead in every song, comedy & action scenes, rest is comedy and villainy sequences inserted in the movie with insane camera shakes and thunderous street music to keep you awake and exhausted till the end.

No of times the name Velayudham is repeated in the movie = mind boggling 5 times every minute avg so please do the math(guess the director wants to make sure the name gets registered in the audiences mind) its f$$$$kn stuck in my head now.

Hero - a copied character from the video game Assassins Creed to fight 15 + Villains( Guess the director's 10yr old son wrote the script, must be a huge fan of Assassin's creed video game, even the knife sliding out from under the arm in the video game is copied), rest of his costumes throughout the movie stands out from the crowd so he can be identified as to what he proclaims - Mass, the hero has nothing else to do other than that.
Villain - this Character is outsourced to any state near to or away from Tamil Nadu, special feature which won a role for him in the movie, beard on ear lobes.
Comedian - I would say that he is the hero of the movie, manages to tickle the funny bones in every scene he comes. Sad part is the whole movie has comedy scenes only a teenager can enjoy, scenes like stripping a saree, having a boner and getting yelled at, guess its the same with half the movies released these days.
Heroines - The Director is having a hard time deciding what he wants with heroines in the movie too, so he employes two heroines to satisfy audiences liking, one with a screen presence which takes up entire screen volume during song and romance scenes and another which has a presence to show that she is the only person in the movie with a brain. 
International Terrorists - A group which displays its name on a board to tell the audience who they are (gee - had) and yells the slogan throughout the movie. Stays very focused that he would only stay in chennai and carry out their rituals.

The movie has nothing more to review, its a no-brainer, I was fooled by the biased reviews that the movie has comedy throughout and ended up going to the theater only to find out i'm just one among the 9 members in the theater, i should have ran out immediately but i decided not to and witnessed this kaaviam.
I would say that the movie has good comedy, hands down Santhanam steals the screens and has much better screen presence and acting skills than the rest. Political views are splashed all over the movie. Good Characters are wasted and has nothing to do but just show up in a couple of scenes.
Special mention to the director who can think out of the box just for this one scene though where one of the 10 villains in the movie chooses a blind girl instead of the rest to satisfy his urge so she does not scream when she sees the villains gory face up close,WAH simply brilliant, the thought process gone into thinking so deep to bring such a scene to make people cringe with disgust showcases his skills, too bad he is not able to employ his skills in any other part of the movie.
The Hero is caught up with identity crisis and does everything he can to capture all type of characters he wishes to be on the screen, sorry to say but fails miserably to appeal.

Velayudham - veena pona paper kaagidham

Plus - Santhanam Comedy
Minus - Everything

Kaart's thoughts


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